It was just like any other open house: A couple
dozen men and women popping in and out, snacking on sandwiches and
sipping beer and wine. But something besides pita and pulled chicken was
being passed around during the get-together last fall: the hostess'
2-week-old daughter, Ella, the star of the party.
Known as meet-the-baby bashes,
welcome-to-the-world parties or sip-and-sees - as in, sip some
Champagne, see what the stork brought - this newfangled way of
celebrating a new arrival is just one example of how the traditional,
ladies-and-onesies baby shower is getting a makeover.
There are coed "pregnancy parties" that take
place in dark hipster bars. There are necessities-only "sprinkles" (vs.
showers) in which parents-to-be request diapers and wipes as opposed to
rompers and rattles. There are "favorite book-showers" that have guests
springing for copies of Goodnight Moon. And there are casual
Sunday afternoon, watch-some-football-and-play-some-pool couples'
affairs where the guest of honor just happens to be a woman with a
swollen belly.
"There's nobody on the planet that's like, 'I'm
so excited! I get to go to a baby shower today,' " says Carley Roney,
editor in chief of baby website TheBump. "For years, they've had a
reputation for being sweet for the family but boring" for everyone else
who has to sacrifice their Saturday. "They've been ripe for a change for
a while."
Especially after, like their wedding cousins,
baby showers reached bloated, pre-recession proportions. Roney remembers
professionally planned, $100-a-head affairs at four-star restaurants,
complete with goody bags, thanks in part to the rise of the highly
publicized celebrity baby extravaganza. Moms-to-be were having multiple,
bottles-to-bassinets showers thrown for them — for multiple babies, not
just their first. "It all got kind of out of control," Roney says.
Second- — and third- and fourth- — baby showers
seem especially unseemly nowadays, say moms and motherhood experts. Even
if baby No. 2 is a different gender, "you would use the same gear,"
says Amy Tara Koch, a mother of two daughters and the author of Bump It Up: Transform Your Pregnancy Into the Ultimate Style Statement.
Credit not only the downsized economy but also
the increased age of parenthood for the shift toward scaling back. The
proportion of first births to women 35 and older has increased nearly
eight-fold since 1970, according to the Centers for Disease Control, and
"the older you get, the less comfortable you feel with people buying
you gifts in the first place," Roney says — and with being the center of
attention. By your mid-30s, you're more secure in your style, you know
what you want and you have your own income — and these days, "it seems
too obnoxious to put a $750 stroller on your registry," Roney says.
Between the awkwardness and pickiness, "there's just general discomfort
anyway, and with the recession, there's triple discomfort, which is
really instigating this backlash."
So now there's an emphasis on no gifts, group
gifts, generic-brand gifts and gifts that are gently used or creative
(handmade quilts and blankets, IOUs for babysitting or a tray of
lasagna), not to mention dollar-store decorations and electronic
invitations — and a resolutely relaxed feel.
With her first child and due in April,
Abby Schiller is going for "more of a hangout session" at a friend's or
relative's house, where male and female guests will cradle margaritas
and gaze at her baby. She doesn't intend to put gift-unwrapping on the
agenda. "I'll want to enjoy my time after being cloistered."
Melisa Coburn was able to bundle in other excuses
for celebrating Magnolia, her latest bundle of joy: big brother
Jasper's second birthday and the end of a major house renovation. So on a
Saturday afternoon in September 2006, about two dozen guests came by
for a gander at her new Brooklyn backyard and 8-week-old baby. "It just
seemed like a nice confluence of events," says Coburn, 43, a parenting
lifestyle blogger and stay-at-home mom.
But there's another basis for the increasing
popularity of the post-birth party: Parents are getting the memo that
dealing with a wellspring of well-wishers can be just as much of a
headache as dealing with a colicky newborn. And that, really, it's all
about the baby, not the mom.
"Everyone's like, 'I want to come see!' " says
Ruthie Manna, who threw a sparkling wine-and-antipasto meet-the-baby
party for daughter Eva in December, when she was about a month old. "But
it's impossible when the baby's born to appease everybody" and prevent
random drop-ins. "Plus, I'm not always presentable," jokes Manna, 27,
who works in health behavioral research and lives in Glen Ridge, N.J.
Babytalk magazine executive editor Megan
Padilla, who has seen the trend toward couples' cocktail
parties-cum-pre-birth showers grow over the past two years, has
reservations about sip- and-sees. "It's a lot of people to expose your
baby to," she says. And guests "don't fess up that they have runny noses
or diarrhea. They don't really think about the impact their health
could have on this baby," whose immune system is still developing.
Schiller isn't worried. If one of her invitees
comes down with, say, the flu, she'll politely ask them to stay home.
And for everyone else, "I have no problem saying, 'Hey, welcome. Let me
squirt your palms with Purell.' "