Friday, January 27, 2006
Thursday, January 26, 2006
Throughout this whole experience, this is as scared as I’ve ever been.
Today we hit the eight week mark of our pregnancy. Tomorrow we will be having our first ultrasound. At this point, our baby should have tiny arms and legs, eyes, all the organs, and a visible heartbeat. I am afraid that we will see none of these tomorrow. I am afraid that this child does not exist.
My friend Jen reminded me of a line from Steel Magnolias: “I’d rather have five minutes of wonderful than a lifetime of nothing special.” These past two and a half weeks have been the happiest of my life. I have allowed myself to believe, really believe, that this baby is in there, that I am really pregnant. My body is making this pretty easy, for which I am grateful. Every discomfort serves as a reminder that this is really happening.
We even took the chance of telling some of our closest friends about the pregnancy. It was WONDERFUL. It made it REAL. They talked to the baby, patted my belly. We speculated about gender, appearance, personality. Made plans to go shopping for maternity clothes. It was so NORMAL. Undoubtedly this is the most wonderful “five minutes” of my life. I got to experience those things that I thought I may never experience: a positive pregnancy test, telling our friends, morning sickness. At least, I tell myself, at least I had this.
I just checked out a website to see what my little one should be doing in there this week, and found myself suddenly staring, silent and in awe, at an indescribably beautiful photograph. It was the most amazing little creature--an eight week old fetus, alien in appearance, yet completely magical at the same time. Not the grainy little peanut you see in the black and white ultrasound pictures. No, this creature had arms, tiny fingers, legs, eyes, a brain…those things that make us so markedly human. And I wonder, does my baby look like that? Right now? And then the fear kicks in. For so very long, we had nothing to lose. Every visit to the specialist, every painful test—nothing to lose, and everything to gain. Now…I feel like I have everything to lose. My biggest fear is that I will look on that ultrasound monitor, and see…nothing.
And I suddenly realize…when you decide to bring a child into your life, your heart is no longer safe. There is no greater responsibility, and thus no greater opportunity for abject failure or wild success. I am ready to embrace that. My heart is wide open, ready to be broken for sure, but also ready to be filled to bursting with the most amazing love I will ever know. So I will accept this fear, I will experience it, live it, and get through it, because it is part of the whole package. If I am unable to feel this fear, then I am also unable to fully feel the miracle. So I make this choice, here, tonight…I will feel the miracle. I will open myself to heartbreak in equal measure as to joy, to fear as to anticipation, because I cannot fully experience one without also being willing to receive the other. My hope is to see that beautiful grainy peanut on the monitor tomorrow, to see the flutter of a tiny heart, to hear the mysterious “whoosh whoosh” of this other life within my body. But if I do not, if this is not the baby we were given to have forever, I will be forever grateful to have had these last two weeks, these “five minutes of wonderful”. And I will go on to have a lifetime of wonderful because of it.
I am always running to the bathroom! I am a peeing machine! Does such a thing exist? Well, Yes, I am it. Once I start getting comfortable I realize that its just not worth it because I'm up and running toward the bathroom again.
I notice a more frequent urge to pee more than ever. I know that pregnancy plays a role. I guess this is one of the symptoms of creating a little buddy. I've already heard about this, but never realized that it would be so intense!
From what i've been reading is when you are pregnant their is alot of extra fluid in your body that causes you to pee a lot. Starting usually when your 6 weeks pregnant. Well, everything is going according to plan and my body the ticking clock! But when does the relief come?!
By avoiding coffee, tea, and alcohol (which I don't touch anymore!) I will see a little bit of relief. Hopefully, giving a fewer nighttime runs to the bathroom. I also read this tip that I though was great: When you pee, it is good to lean forward to completely empty out your bladder. Isn't that funny? I had never thought of that before! But the important thing is that you don't hold it in. By doing so this can cause "stress urinary incontinence" that causes you to pee a little when you cough, laugh, sneeze, lift heavy objects, or do certain types of exercise. Nobody wants that.
I guess I just have to wait it out. Be patient. This is just part of the journey!
Wednesday, January 25, 2006
Okay, I've been trying to stop myself from bringing this up, but I just can't help it. I have the worst case of morning sickness!!! It doesn't seem to be getting better and doesn't seem like its going away anytime soon. I don't want to sound like I'm a complainer, but I just don't know what to do at this point! I don't just feel nauseous in the morning, this is ongoing throughout my day. I'm reaching out for help.
My mom told me that she also had a bad case of morning sickness, so this must run in the family. I've heard from others and read online that this will go away after the first trimester. Well then, just 6 weeks to go! No problem! Yeah, Right!!! Its horrible.
At work I run to another floor to use the restroom so my co-workers won't suspect anything. I don't want them to hear me throw up! I think I've played it pretty cool by now. Quietly slipping to the staircase and running up or down to another floor. I just can't wait for this to end.
So, I looked online and found some tips to help my nausea. I thought that other moms-to-be going through morning sickness might find it interesting as well.
- Eat frequent, small meals (6 to 8 small meals a day, rather than 3 large meals)
- Avoid fatty, fried, or spicy foods.
- Try starchy foods, like toast, saltines, cheerios, or other dry cereals. Keep some by your bed and eat them before you get out of bed in the morning and when you get up in the middle of the night. Also keep some with you at all times, in case you feel nauseous.
- Try drinking carbonated drinks like ginger ale or seltzer water in between meals.
- Ask your doctor if you should stop taking your prenatal vitamin for a while if it adds to your morning sickness.
- Ask your doctor if you should take vitamin B6 treatments for severe nausea and vomiting that doesn't get better with the dietary changes listed above.
If you are vomiting a lot, you might want to call your doctor to make sure you don't get dehydrated (lose too much fluid in your bogy). When the nausea and vomiting begins to go away, try to resume a healthy eating plan, and take your prenatal vitamins.
Hope This Works!
Monday, January 23, 2006
Pregnant? The foods you eat before and during pregnancy help prepare your body to support the growth of your baby. Sensible eating gives your baby the best chance of a healthy beginning. After your baby is born, good nutrition, including being breastfed for most babies, is also important for your baby's growth and development.
First Trimester 0 to 12 weeks By six weeks your baby is the size of a pea. By seven to eight weeks all the baby's major organs are partly formed. Your body creates two special organs to support and nourish your child. The amniotic sac surrounds the baby with fluid and acts like a shock absorber. The placenta is your baby's life support system. It feeds your baby, brings oxygen and gets rid of wastes through the blood. Anything you eat, drink, or smoke, including drugs, will be delivered to your baby through the placenta. Good nutrition is required so that your body has the right building blocks for a healthy pregnancy.
Second Trimester 13 to 28 weeks During this trimester your baby starts to hear and may startle at loud noises. Sex organs are maturing. Hair grows on your baby's head. He or she can cough or hiccup. Your baby is very active. You need to drink plenty of fluids and eat sensibly to help your body support your growing baby.
Third Trimester 29 to 40 weeks Your baby does most of his or her maturing now. By six months your baby weighs less than one kilogram (less than two lbs). At birth the average baby will weigh between two and a half to four kilograms (six to nine lbs). Brain cells are growing very fast. Calcium is especially needed now for proper bone and tooth growth. Your baby is getting ready to be born.