Monday, December 04, 2006
? OF THE WEEK: Do You Agree With Attachment Parenting?
Before I can say anything I would like everyone to watch these videos:
Now after watching these videos, what do you think?
These parents are difinitely loving and would do anything for their children, but I think they are a bit extreme. I don't think its mentally healthy or even necessary for a child to be breastfed at six years of age.
These children are also definitely spoiled! They don't have any boundries and are never told "no." It will be hard for them to adjust to society once leaving their families and accept getting denied and told no. They just might return living at home, probably just what Mommy wants.
"Yay! You pooped on the floor!" Just sounds distrubing. I don't think anything is wrong with a diaper and I think it's great to potty train at an early age, but pooping on the floor- not so much.
These are very interesting videos on Attachment Parenting.
If you had the opportunity would you quit your job and conduct raising your child in a similar fashion? Or do you prefer using bottles, pacifiers, diapers, and eventually public schooling as the norm to raising your child?
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87 comments:
These children did seem a bit spoiled and not really knowing what was right or wrong. I would stay home with my child, but they will be disiplined and will breast feed until I feel there is not a need or the baby starts getting alot of teeth!
I don't deny that these parents are loving and caring, but i personally do not agree with this. These parents are making a rod for their own backs, and will regret their decision to use attatchment parenting when in the future their child fails to be an independent adult, and feels that they can get their own way all the time. Life is tough and these parents are not helping their children one little bit. Also they obviously do not have bills to pay or a mortgage, why else would they not be working. Are they on Welfare!
Will these parents still be sharing a bed and breastfeeding their children when they are in their teens i wonder.
Wow those parents are EXTREME!! How are those children going to cope with real life? How will they ever hold down a job if they aren't used to being told what and when to do something? I am all about spending as much time as possible with your children, but they do need a social life outside of you. If I were financially able I would stay home full time,but there would be plenty of play dates. The breastfeeding on demand was a little much I thought. I will be breastfeeding my child but in privacy and only for the first 10 months or so. I am offended when I see someone out in public with their boob hanging out feeding. These parents need to learn some balance.
Of course I agree with attachment parenting and fully intend to practice the same. I have seven healthy independant children who have been raised this way and none are spoiled or socially inept. I wonder why some feel a need to be judgemental of the parenting choices of others?
I feel the clips are extremely biased toward the neg. and its interesting there was only 1 so called "proffesional" who had only one view. Before taking a stand on the philosophy anyone should do more research, especially 60 min. We should never judge anyone else's choices, just judge whether it is right for us. I will be with my children as much as possible and the means don't matter if you love your kids and your husband is able to work you make it work. Kids don't need stuff or a big home, they need their parents, especially MOM in the early years. Homeschooling is about having no idea who is teaching your kids and what else they are doing with them, it shouldn't be about keeping them close. There are lots of issues here being blanketed by one philosophy. Some of the ideas are good, others individuals should choose what is best for their family and emotional status. One last comment, A child never has to be told the word "No" while still understanding boundaries. It is all the way that you word your interaction with them. They can have consequences without feeling disciplined, and still become healthy adults
Unfortunately, the reporter feels negatively about attachment parenting and chose to portray a VERY extreme implementation of the philosophy.
could you have tried to find a video that was a more accurate portrayal of AP practices? You completly missed the mark on this! I am a very dedicated AP mom, and I am highly offended
That you tube story portrayed attachment parenting in conjunction with a lot of other philosophies that are not part of attachment parenting. I think the core of the practice is co-sleeping (this is controversial, but almost everyone does it at least a little--who doesn't cuddle with their kids in bed?); listening to your kids (even the mainstream "baby whisperer" book advocates this); and breastfeeding on demand (this works really well). I use strollers, as well as slings and carriers (you can't exactly go running without a jog stroller). I work. I establish a routine. I have boundaries and say no. I use diapers. My son attends preschool. That video was an absolutely horrible introduction to attachment parenting for anyone who is unfamiliar with it. I think many women would be mortified to call themselves attachment parents after watching it. It has nothing to do with poop on the floor, dripping breastmilk in your husband's eye, having a home birth without anesthesia, and home-schooling your kids. I am an attachment parent who has little in common with the families profiled. There are a lot of places in the US where women commonly practice a more mainstream version of attachment parenting, like the DC and San Francisco areas. There are better parenting resources out there than that video, and I encourage others to be dismissive of its skewed message.
I didn't enjoy the portrayal, though despite the negative slant, some of what the parents themselves said seemed distasteful. Personally I want my child(ren) to be exposed to many healthy people of various ages. Us humans are a diverse and impermanent crowd.
Nevertheless, things like breastfeeding instead of the bottle & pacifier, alternatives to public school education, a papoose instead of a stroller (not for all occasions, or ages, I think!), taking cues from the child's emotions and expressions all seem common sense and appealing to me. I would not sign up for the Attachment Parenting newsletter nor call what I do by that or any other label, and I don't worry too much about being available for 24 hour a day supervision because I, frankly, am not positioned to do that. Plus, I'm a proponent of alone time.
I'm not left with a "position" on AP, I'd be interested in hanging out with an AP family for a day or a week, and I found some of their methods helpful and will probably flex them into my parenting when the time comes. (Tick, tick, tick.)
i thought the interviewer was a bit judgemental. not to mention she only portrayed the most extreme of AP parenting, i think there's more of a happy medium. how would more mainstream parents feel about a documentary about parents who don't hold their children and leave them to cry in their cribs all day and force a strict formula bottle-feeding schedule on them? you'd be none too happy. i also don't appreciate the judgemental tones of the moms that spoke out against these mothers calling their children spoiled and what-not. you wouldn't want someone judging you, would you? what do you care what other parents are doing with thier kids?
I agree with other commenters that what was shown here is the extreme far fringe end of what might be considered Attachment Parenting. The AP philosophy is about maintaining a strong physical and emotional connection to your child(ren), not about being permissive to the point of eliminating all boundaries and failing to provide models of behavior which is appropriate for a child's age and developmental status. The AP philosophy is not about subjugating yourself to your child(ren), but simply recognizing that a child is a person with thoughts and feelings and a person who is far more ruled by feeling than an adult (because they are not able to reason as adults) and to treat them as such.
AP does not preclude loving, reasonable discipline, it demands it. AP does not preclude loving, reasonable limits being placed on children, it demands it. One cannot be attached to one's child if they're laying down on the ground and letting the child stomp all over them.
If you want to set up a debate about the practices of Attachment Parenting, you need to start from a reasonable example. This isn't it. You've poisoned the well by trying to present this as being what AP is all about, when it certainly is not what AP is about for the vast majority of those of us who endeavor to cleave, in our ways and within our abilities, to attachment ideals.
OH BOY this interviewer obviously wasn't breastfed. She acts like a jealous child herself who is envious of baby's who are allowed their Mum's full attention.
All I have to say is Holy Cow! That is pretty extreme and crazy. I am a stay at home mom with 4 kids and one on the way. I've breastfeed all of my kids as long as they would allow but definitely not past their 3rd or 5th birthdays. I've used a binky with all of my kids and it's a lifesaver when I need a break. My back would be broken without a stroller although I use a sling and snugli as often as I can. When you have this many kids you need a stroller to keep them all together when going places or for a walk. I keep my kids in my room for a very long time but there is a point when Momma and Papa need to have some intimate alone time without a child in the room to roll over and cry and ruin the mood. I think they are just as well in the next room as they are in mine. Diapers are a must-my children have each let me know when they were ready to use the potty-some earlier than others. And, as for schooling, I don't mind home schooling if I have to but my oldest is currently in a private school where he is very happy. You can be attached to and love your children without being so extreme like the families they highlighted. My children all know I love them dearly and I tell them no and use discipline as often as is neccessary.
I thought the video was ridiculously slanted and the smarmy wench doing the interviewing made me want to smack her. I don't personally feel that this was in any way an accurate or balanced view of attachment parenting. That said, I have no problem with most of what was portrayed and I think what the parents said, by and large, was absolutely sensible even though taken out of context. The only thing I personally agreed with about the commentary was that children need discipline and boundaries. But I didn't actually see any behavior on the childrens' parts that seemed extreme or out of place for their ages.
Also, I cannot understand the uproar and discomfort over breastfeeding. Is it just that the English-speaking world is mistakenly viewing it as a sexual act? I strongly believe that babies should be allowed to eat in public just like everyone else--especially given how OFTEN they eat! Before I had a kid I thought I would *try* to breastfeed for one year, but now my son is two and shows no signs of stopping. What the woman on the video says is so true--you can't force a kid to breastfeed. My kid just isn't one of those self-weaners. Eventually I'm going to have to figure out how to stop with a minimum of heartbreak, but I don't see the necessity at the moment. Really, it's one of the best things you can do for your kids. I'm sure it's difficult to understand how a woman could nurse a 5-year-old, and I noticed that the video kept returning to that uncomfortable image throughout (conveniently stoking negative feelings about the subject of the video), but I don't feel it's my place to say whether it is wrong.
wow maybe you should put up a couple of videos to see if people agree with the cry it out methodology. you can show parents who hit or yell at their kids anytime they fuss from the time they are 3 months old. you can show children left to scream in their bedrooms as newborns and never fed when they're hungry but only according to a clock.
a video as such would be just as disinformative as what you've presented here.
i am ap. my child breastfed on demand until he was 17 months. i'd say that's pretty normal, wouldn't you?
we cosleep, and dad's in the bed with us. we plan on transitioning my son to his own bed soon. i'd say that's pretty normal, wouldn't you?
we do use a stroller when going long distances, and we wore my son when he was younger (and lighter). once again, pretty normal.
my son will be attending a preschool next year when he's three. my husband works and i am a full time student. once again pretty normal young family situation.
oh and my child knows the meaning of the word no. we have acceptable and unacceptable behavior, the only difference between myself and a parent who's not ap is that i try to understand the reason for the tantrum and give him a short understandable reason as to why things can't go his way, instead of simply punishing the action without any respect for causation.
you've presented a drastic and skewed view of attachment parenting, many of the practices you showed have nothing to do with the parenting style. you may have even scared some new or future moms away from breastfeeding at all with this piece. i hope you're happy with yourself.
It was awful what you set out as an example of AP parenting. As a mother who practices AP that is also involved in a large group of AP parents, I don't know any one who acts this way. It is not the norm and is wrong of pregnancy weekly to represent it from such an extreme view. I would be willing to bet you are supported by some formula companies. Personally I think you should apologize and set the record straight. You have had Dr. Sears on here before, who is a one of the biggest edvocates for AP parenting, why don't you get him to say something on it instead of some random lady who did a VERY poor job - to say the least.
I agree with everyone here that this was an extreme situation and not a good representation of AP.
To answer the question though, we will not be using the AP methods of parenting. My wife and I are excited about our son who will be entering this world this summer. We are eager to welcome him into our home as a family member. However, we do not plan to make him the center of our home...and it seems to me that AP parenting really places the children as the focal point of the household.
I am afraid that kid centered homes are one of the reasons that the divorce rate is so high and ever increasing in our country. When parents become so consumed with pleasing their children that they drop everything, I think it strains the marriage, which then in turn strains the child as well.
I know that we have a lot to learn, but at this point we are planning on using the PDF style of parenting and see how it works for us.
I am a natural birth, nurse on demand, co-sleeping, cloth diapering, baby wearing mama and nothing will change that. The world average for nursing is 4.2 years. Co-sleeping is great for bonding with baby and makes night time feedings a sinch. Cloth diapers are so much easier and much more inexpensive and you never have to worry about running out, and baby wearing(especially in a sling) is comforting to baby. I kinda makes them feel like they are back in the womb. AP has nothing to do with spoiling a baby. Its called loving your child unconditionally and in turn your child learns to be a very loving and tender person. oh and here is something else for you non open minded parents out there to chew on. We are probably going to exempt this baby from vaccinations. How's that for crunchy.
i think i go both ways with ap parenting. these videos seem to portray extremes (some of which were on the verge of scary), and yet we share several of the same practices as these parents (often to a lesser degree).
not everyone can stay home with their chldren, whether for financial reasons, or working outside the home being a part of who they are. i personally stay home, save a 4 hour receptionist position on saturday mornings. my fiance works full-time, sometimes 70 hours a week during busy monthss. i've worked part- to-full-time since i turned 14.
our son slept with one or both of us for the first months, and we still bring him into our bed with us when he's sick.
our son wears disposable diapers. i would rather spend my time reading him a book, than cleaning floors and furniture, or doing the extra laundry that goes with cloth. my son will let me know when he's done with diapers.
i was unable to breastfeed (being ine of that very small percentage who's milk supply never comes in). our son nursed for colostrum as long as it was there, and was supplemented with formula to literally keep him from starving.
a mother is the only one who can choose whether to breastfeed or bottlefeed. a mother should be able to feed her child, regardless of breast or bottle, when her child is hungry. the person beside you in the waitingroom should NOT have to look straight ahead or only to the right to avoid your exposure on their left. mothers choosing the bottle are responsible for the burden of sterilization, preparation, and cost. breastfeeding mothers carry the responsibility of being respectful and modest in public.
i agree with moderation, so long as parents are doing what is best for their children and, equally important, what is best for themselves- family as a whole.
Attachment parenting, as with all parenting styles have extremes. I strongly believe in building trust early on...thus breastfeeding, co-sleeping, baby-wearing...all fit well for my husband and I while parenting our first 2 children in their early years. In building trust and showing love and acceptance, we can also set limits and taught independence as babies grow into toddlers and then into children... Attachment parenting is best suited to people who know their limits and are doing it for the "right" reasons. As to where the limit to attachment parenting is for you is ultimately up to you! After a year old, one of my children weaned herself and sleeps on her own. My older child still sleeps with me and weaned himself at 2 years...(he was not feeding in public towards the end as it was a special bond for him and I, at home usually at bedtime). I feel good about the degree I let attachment parenting go and I guess I will wait and see how it goes with baby #3 due sept. 07. :-)
Attachment parenting, as with all parenting styles have extremes. I strongly believe in building trust early on...thus breastfeeding on demand, co-sleeping, baby-wearing, and non-vaccinating...all fit well for my husband and I while parenting our first 2 children in their early years. In building trust and showing love and acceptance, we can also set limits and taught independence as babies grow into toddlers and then into children... Attachment parenting is best suited to people who know their limits and are doing it for the "right" reasons. As to where the limit to attachment parenting is for you is ultimately up to you! After a year old, one of my children weaned herself and sleeps on her own. My older child still sleeps with me and weaned himself at 2 years...(he was not feeding in public towards the end as it was a special bond for him and I, at home usually at bedtime). I feel good about the degree I let attachment parenting go and I guess I will wait and see how it goes with baby #3 due sept. 07. :-)
Add me to the list of those who thought that video was too extreme. I consider myself to be an attachment parent in that I did extended breastfeeding, used a sling to keep my daughter close, co-slept and I plan to do it all again with this baby.
However, I did not have to drop out of society nor did I bow to every childish whim. Boundaries are crucial for children and they do need to learn that the world does not revolve around them. Despite the portrayal of AP in the video you can certainly balance this philosophy with common sense. I resent the gist of that video suggesting that AP parents are weirdo extremists.
Think it's incorporate and dangerous to label these parents as "attachment parents". For one thing the woman keeps saying "these people believe in being with their children 24 hours a day"...which is not the case for all attachment parents. Also, these parents are definitely the extreme, not the norm for attachment parents. However, I honestly don't see an issue with allowing a 3 year old, who has not yet learned to control his emotions to scream. I see no reason to hit a child. I also don't see an issue with co-sleeping, my boyfriend and I co-sleep with our daughter...at 3 months old she is already sleeping through the night. How many parents can say that? I would actually prefer to home school or have my child go to a school we like, then have her go to public school.
We practice Attachment Parenting in our home. Some of the things in this video do not indicate attachment parenting. For instance, not using a pacifier, not using diapers, no medical intervention, and no discipline are not Attachment parenting. We do use diapers, used a midwife attended birth at home (which not all AP parents do and it is not part of AP philosophy to "require" home birth or even unmedicated birth - home birth is very rare in the US right now), and do practice gentle discipline. We do not spank or yell but we do say no and redirect in a loving way. We do cosleep and we do extended breastfeeding and child-led weaning. Our children are very happy and secure. I think that John Irvine is sadly mistaken and that we all need to respect that each parent has the right to make their own choices, but sometimes what society thinks is normal is not necessarily best for the child. Numerous studies have confirmed that many practices such as babywearing, breastfeeding, and cosleeping all benefit the child life-long. Go to the API website (Attachment Parenting International) if you want to read more about the research that shows benefit. AP kids are not simply spoiled brats. Being an "AP" parent is not the same thing as being permissive.
I would much rather let my child nurse for comfort than tell them that they have to use an object or material item to soothe themselves, especially as babies when their instinct is to go be with mommy. Pacis can be good teethers but should not be used to restrict a baby's access to breastfeeding when the child is hungry.
That's not AP. It's also not good reporting.
On one side you have kids are everything/discipline is bad/kids can't do anything wrong/parents serve kids
and on the other side you have
babywise/Ezzo/Pearl/PDF/parents are the center of the universe/CIO/babies are manipulative and evil/spank them until they repent.
Neither are good.
Breastfeeding is great, co sleeping is great, EC is great. All in balance. I don't go for extremes.
Bad reporting at it's best.
I have just been reading dr. Sears book and they advocate attatchment parenting, and I saw very little in that video that he actually says. He ofers recomendation about feeding on demand, co-sleeping, and baby-wearing, but he also talks about parents who work outside the home, need to sleep alone to feel rested enough to be attentive parents. He says that pacifiers are good and bad, it depends on what the intention is. This was so skewed and in no way showed attatchment parenting, a really bad choice.
I think the way children are raised is a personal choice and I would hate to be criticised for my parenting skills - or lack of at times! I would love to be able to stay at home and look after the children but I simply enjoy my job as a primary teacher and will look forward to going back. I won't feel guilty about doing what's right for me but at the same time the quality of the time I spend with my children is important and I make time to be with them everyday - they are my priority. As for breastfeeding till they're six I'm afraid I think it's a little weird. I breast fed my 3 year old for 6 months and plan to breast feed 'the bump' but there's no pressure, I'll see.
No, I do not agree with Attachment Parenting what so ever. I belive this kind of parenting is somewhat dangerous to children because it teaches them not to be comfortable with just themselves, that they need something or someone in their lives to feel complete. I do think children do need to be close to their parents and it is best for a parent to teach their children the ways of life, but not in such an overbearing matter. I think the mothers in these videos are affraid to be alone themselves and are being selfish. Are they going to let thier children brestfeed till the age of eighteen? They are being contradictive because they do not want to have limits or boundries set for their children, but yet are being controlling of thier small minds and warping thier brains.
Maria from Ireland:
I see alot of comments from the AP parents about unfair judgemtal views etc. Well below I have copied a comment I find highly offensive posted by Hilarie HIldebrand this morning
Hilarie HIldebrand said...
OH BOY this interviewer obviously wasn't breastfed. She acts like a jealous child herself who is envious of baby's who are allowed their Mum's full attention.
7:29 AM
As an adopted child I was never breastfed, it has done me no harm nor am I jealous or envious or lacking in the ability to provide loving parental attention. I am a stay at home mum of 1 and pregnant with my second child, and believe that the best way to raise children is to prepare them for LIFE. Telling your parents when you are ready to leave their beds, or booby, is not preparing them for the challenges that will present to them as they grow up.
These videos definitely do show the Extremes in Attachment Parenting. I strongly believe in attachment parenting. Not to the extreme like these families, but my husband and I fully inted to do co sleeping, but together. We also intend me to stay home until our child goes to school and as far as breastfeeding, I intend to breastfeed until at least 2 years old, if not longer. I don't think it's right to ship your child off to daycare so you can go back to work. It may be harder on the families whose husbands cannot support them, but so what, it's a little tight, but it makes all the difference in the world to your child. And that, after all is what really matters.
I agree with parenting in the style that suits your needs. I have a friend who is a very dedicated AP parent. I am a career Mom.
We both have children who are happy, healthy and well-adjusted.
What I find bizarre is...parenting "styles" didn't even exist when I was kid. You had parents, rules that were most-likely handed down between generations...the main book was Dr. Spock. I was spanked, grounded and NEVER even went in my parents room let alone sleep with them. I think I turned out great, I'm always happy, and get along great with my parents.
You have to be pretty non-existant or ignorant to not have a child develop and it's not really fair to promote any type of parenting except for what works for the individual.
I never realizied that it is AP, but my baby was breastfed for 2 years because he needed it emotionally. He also slept in bed with me until 5 years old, he had his own bedroom, but he always fell asleep in my bed, there was nothing i could do, habit is a strong thing ( being breastfed it was convenient). And if i put him back in his bed and he woke up, you can imagine where he was next minute. I am not going to tell my sleepy baby "no you can't sleep with mommy because you are too big now", if it's the middle of the night i want him asleep. I see nothing wrong with attachment parenting..and also my son was potty trained at 1 year old!!!!no diapers..it's kind of american thing to put your children in diapers until they are teenagers, they are smart little people and don't want to mess their pants either.
http://www.attachmentparenting.org/index.html
information about attachment parenting for all confused parents by this videos, that in my opinion do misrepresent attachment parenting.
This is not attachment parenting. I practice AP and these cases are more than extreme. If you do some research and go to some real AP sites, I'm sure you'll find it a loving and realistic way to raise your children. Just like religion, you can take things to the extreme or you can take what works for you and put it into practice. Just my opinion but the first video (I didn't have the patience for the second one) was a load of complete garbage.
Why do we even have to label it as "attachment parenting"? It's just PARENTING. Parents will choose how they want to parent and beyond that, who really cares. Its not my child. Its not my life. I will raise my children as I see fit and I will not judge someone for their method of parenting. I work, my kids go to day care and public schools and I get only compliments on their behavior. To each his own.
that's ridiculous. they chose the most extreme examples of "attachment parents" and painted them in the most negative light possible. social abuse? negligent? hardly. i don't even know who that doctor is that they interviewed, but i wonder what his opinions are on formula feeding, letting babies cry it out, spanking, etc..i bet if i guessed i wouldn't be far off..
the examples they gave were not what most people would consider attachment parenting. ap has some fairly loose guidelines. what ap is.. (according to dr. sears)
-birth bonding
-breastfeeding
-babywearing
-bedding close to baby
-belief in the language value of your baby's cry
-beware of baby trainers
-balance
so basically, virtually none of the things that were described in that report are actually ap..
homebirth is not a necessity, although many ap parents believe that birthing at home is the best way to ensure a good start to bonding. what is suggested is that parents bond with their babies as soon after birth as possible.
breastfeeding is highly recommended and practiced by most ap parents. however, not all practice natural weaning, some bottle feed either breastmilk and/or formula, some bottle feed formula for whatever reason, and all breastfeed for varying lengths of time.
many ap parents do babywear, but i don't think any of us hold our children 24 hours a day. that's just a silly statement. as a matter of fact, i think that most of us realize that a good parent is one who takes care of him/herself, including taking time to do things on his/her own as well. personally, when my kids were breastfeeding exclusively, i never left them for more than 1-2 hours at a time, and always with my husband or other family member. but i always made sure to care for my own needs as well as my child's.
and to say that ap parents all homeschool is simply ludicrous. some do, but i wouldn't even venture to say that most do. as to the parents who were interviewed, i thought it was interesting that the reporter said something like "they gave up everything for their children"..uh, they looked alright to me! lol beautiful farm, land, animals..i'm jealous!
cosleeping..yes, many ap parents do cosleep. but it doesn't work out for every family. and most of us do not believe in allowing our children to cry it out. but different parents cosleep for different lengths of time. some allow the kids to transition when they're ready. others encourage the transition at some point.
regarding various baby items..again, it depends on the parents. some use cribs, strollers, swings, bouncers, pacis, etc. some use these items in addition to a sling and cosleeping! its not an either/or situation. showing a few families and their personal views on these items and gadgets does not represent ap as a whole. some ap parents think that any use of these items equals lazy and/or detached parenting. some ap parents think that the excessive use of these items equals lazy and/or detached parenting. some ap parents use these items or don't, and don't really care what other parents do.
some ap parents cloth diapers..some do elimination communication (a term which the mother interviewed did not coin and certainly did not invent, contrary to how the reporter made it seem)..i'd venture to guess that most use paper diapers. either way, where your baby pees and poops has nothing to do with attachment parenting. as to the mom who seemed joyous about her child pooping on the floor..what's the alternative? if you've chosen to practice EC, there will likely be poop on the floor from time to time. you can be neutral, positive, or negative about it. why not take the opportunity to teach the child that poop is normal and natural, and that he's not bad or wrong for pooping on the floor..and that next time, he might try to go in the potty?
and discipline..most ap parents use some form of gentle, positive discipline as their primary method. that's not at all the same as "no discipline" or "no boundaries". they only showed small, edited portions of those people's lives, and the bias was against ap, so there's no way to know how those children behave on a daily basis or even what type or how much discipline they receive. just because a parent chooses not to hit their child and respects their child as an individual doesn't mean there's no discipline. and even if the parents shown used no discipline, it doesn't mean that most ap parents do the same.
no one can lump all ap parents together and say that we all believe the same things. or that we parent exactly the same way. that's just blatantly ridiculous. but because we make choices outside of the mainstream, its easy for us to come under attack. "detachment parenting" (not a criticism..just how its sometimes referred to) is big business. mainstream parenting generates a lot of money. think of how much money the medical industry would lose if every woman in america who was low risk decided to have a homebirth. think of how much money all the companies that make baby items and products would lose if every mom breastfed exclusively then allowed their children to wean naturally, used no bottles or formula or pacis, began cosleeping and slingwearing, etc. etc. etc. its much easier to criticize ap parents than mainstream parents on a variety of levels.
my own experience..i didn't start out as "extreme" as the parents who were interviewed. i had my first child in a hospital, breastfed and formula fed, weaned at 9 months, had a stroller and a variety of other baby products, etc. with each of my kids, i've done things just a bit differently. the 4th time around, i had a totally natural pregnancy, no vag exams, sonograms or prenatal tests, a home waterbirth, no vaccinations, breastfed exclusively for a year, always coslept (and still do 3 1/2 years later), wore him in a sling, cloth diapered, etc. some things remained the same throughout my years as a parent..all of my kids coslept. i've never hit any of my children. i've homeschooled at various times, but i prefer private, alternative school. i've used various baby gadgets as well as pacis, but never exclusively or excessively. i've never let my kids cry it out. so even though i'm certainly on the more "extreme" end of the spectrum, i don't believe there are any hard and fast rules that must be followed in order to be considered an ap parent. i don't personally consider myself one type of parent or another. i've learned a lot over my 15+ years as a parent and have incorporated a variety of styles and methods into my own natural instinctual style of parenting.
unfortunately, these types of reports give the mainstream a skewed view of what true attachment parenting is about. and fuel for mainstream parents to continue to stick to their present choices with renewed conviction. someone who is on the fence about breastfeeding sees this report and decides not to breastfeed for fear she'll end up sitting on her porch with a 3 and 5 year old attached to her exposed breasts. someone who is thinking about using gentle discipline decides instead to spank for fear her child will turn out to be a socially delayed, spoiled brat. someone who has been cosleeping decides to put her baby in the crib and let him cry it out for fear that her child will be 3 years old and still in her bed. ap isn't all or nothing. its too bad many people will never get to know that..
so while i appreciate that there are a growing number of parents who are on that end of the spectrum, and making headlines, so to speak, they're the minority..even amongst ap parents. and attachment parenting is not necessarily synonymous with natural parenting, alternative parenting, or any other parenting style. but it does a huge disservice to all of us who are simply parenting our children according to our instincts and what we feel is best for them. i didn't see those parents or children doing anything i disagreed with, even if i wouldn't make some of the same choices, but i don't think that report was at all a fair representation of attachment parenting.
these are very extreme examples of attachment parenting!!
please do more research on the subject before before providing such a negative and biased representation!!
First let me say, to each their own. I think everyone has the right to raise their own children the way they best see fit. I personally do not agree with attachment parenting, I feel it is more about the parents need for love and self worth than the childs need for 24 hour attention. I stay at home with my son, I allow him to explore his world with boundaries. He can not play with electrical outlets or run into the street just because he wants to. I tell him no and I explain why he can not do something. He sleeps in a crib, it is not a baby cage, it is a baby bed with bars to keep them from rolling out of bed or getting into danger while his parents are sleeping at night. I like having my own bed and so does my son. We tried co-sleeping, but he woke up constantly throughout the night, since we put him in his own bed he has been sleeping 12 uninterrupted hours per night! My child will be going to public school, why? Because socialization is a natural human instinct. With out interaction with peers and adults who are not related to you, you cannot develop many of the basic skills needed to survive in life without your mommy. I will suppliment my children's schooling to make sure that they learn the things that I feel are important for them to learn. I have had the benefit of learning from many different types of people throughout my life and I would never deny my children that opportunity. I think parenting should come naturally, if you have a child that has a need you fulfill it, that is what a mother does. I personally like to anticipate my son's needs. I know when he wakes up he will be hungry, so I have food ready for him to eat...I don't wait for him to pitch a fit. I also know my son likes to sleep after being awake for 3 hours, so I but him down for a nap before he gets histerical. Just because you develop a schedule with your child does not mean you are a lazy parent or don't listen to your childs needs or that you are disattached. It simply means that you have your way of doing things. And finally, my son is not an accessory...he is my child, he is everything good in me and my husband. He is our future. He is our pride. He is more than I could ever possibly explain in words.
I think the issue that people are having with the portrayal here of "attachment parenting" is that many disagree on what the term actually entails. Perhaps showing a wide spectrum of attachment parenting would help; that said, do we really need to be so alarmist concerning how other moms and dads are raising their children? In the broad spectrum of things, the terrible things going on around the world, does it matter if a child sleeps in the same room as her parents?
I think we can all learn something from AP. I plan on staying home when my child is born, using a carrier to bring them with me, cloth diapers and early potty training, breast feeding...but i do not agree with things such as never saying no. That's obsured in my opinion. I also think doing research into who your child's teacher are and where they go to school is important. I plan on sharing my bed with my husband, not my kids. I think in today's society where kids spend 10 hours at daycare and 4 hours in front of the tv or in a swing and then into their cribs we can all learn something. Even though these families are extreme, and breast feeding a 5 year old will cause psychological damage as far as i am concerned, they are actually caring for the kids they chose to have and that is a great thing.
For me I'm definetly on the fence on been extreme Attachment Parent/ing because I feel there should be a middle ground for this.
Thank you.
these parents must be crazy i disagree on attatchment parentin thats goin way to far yes brestfeedin is wonderful but only to a certain age these parents might not know but they r stoppin their kids from knowin ne thing else but them and thats not safe at all. they r sufficatin these kids and plus when do these parents have time for thierselfs good grief every parent needs adult time when do they get it ill tell ya pacifiers bottles and cribs are perfect for me to have time when the baby is sleepin or eatin or even just lyin down it gives memy time.
looking at a 3yr old at the park acting out and saying they are spoiled is just jumping to conclusions.
Breastfeeding a child old enough to remember the experience seems like it would affect their future sex lives both for males and females. Even animal moms ween their babys when its time. timing is different for everyone, 9 months, 2 years no big difference. but I can remember things when I was 3 and 4 and I am happy I can't remember latching on to my mom. I would be seriously embarrassed.
Homeschooling a child is a GOOD thing. IF the parents are dedicated. Public schools are great big day care systems where children are allowed to do just about anything and have become unsafe enviroments. they are also illequiped to teach the smart kids, just the average or sub average ones.
Discipline is important in properly raising child into a responsible and respectful adult. I am surrounded by adults who were not disciplined as children and they don't believe in consequences. they sure get shocked when they end up with a ticket, in jail, or having their children taken away.
Co-bedding is great! with boundaries. from birth it is a great way for mom to sleep alittle and still breastfeed. as well as a family bonding time. as the kids get older they should migrate to their own beds. but with nightmares or scarry nights there is nothing wrong with laying down with them in your or their beds. BECAREFUL! lovemaking with kids in the bed is popular and likely to get you into ALOT of trouble.
it is too bad there is so much judgement going on. what is good for one is not the same for another nor should we treat each other like were supposed to be drones.
I agree that these videos present an extremely warped and biased view of Attachment Parenting. I am pregnant with my first child and would be very interested to read an informed discussion of the real pros and cons of AP, but I don't see how such a discussion can be based on a video that doesn't present any kind of balanced portrayal of the practices.
There has been a lot of discussion about the negative repurcussions of the parenting style portrayed in the video on the children. I would that I worry just as much, if not more, about the future social adjustment and emotional well-being of these parents. It think that parents like these are fostering their own dependence on their children just as they foster their children's dependence on them. Their entire identity revolves around being needed by their children. My mother had similar issues (thought not to the extent of these parents) and never adjusted when we grew up and became independent adults. I am determined not to make the same mistake with my baby.
This is not a denouncement of AP because I don't believe this type of overweening parenting really represents the principles espoused by most AP devotees. Co-sleeping and nursing for a reasonable period of time seem like sound ideas, benefitting both parent and child.
There are certain things that I understand about how they live such as carrying you baby in a sling which I do, I home school my kids, and I allow my kids to sleep with me sometimes, but I beleive the parents are being selfish because the children will grow up and they will not know how to live without their parents. I wonder if the parents are planning on taking care of their children until they are in their 40's. The children will one day hate their aprents for keeping them from everything. I stay at home with my kids, my kids very seldom have sitters but we have boundaries, we say no, and I would never breastfeed my baby past 18 or 19 months, my opinion is the parents are damaging their children. Some of their tactics seem good, but overall it's too extreme.
Wow! I have to say I really feel sorry for not only the children but the sadly mistaken state their parents are in. I am a mother of one, and will be the mother of 2 in a few weeks. I love my daughter (and my son on the way), I'm sure these parents feel emotional love too. However, love is not just a feel good, sometimes it takes volition, it goes against feelings. Do I want my children to be happy? Of course! But I love them too much to let them grow up to be spoiled brats. The thing that separates us from animals is that we have a will, we can will to do things...animals live on instinct, impulses. With that will, however, comes the responsibility to train and teach those who are immature right and wrong. Children thrive on boundaries, many studies have been done. They need to know where the line is and parent have to be involved in order to maintain consistency, but there is also a need for balance concerning involvement in order to raise individuals who are capable of being independant and constructive members of society. I agree with the philosophy of homeschooling. My husband was homeschooled and I was in public school. My husband, along with his brothers who were also homeschooled, are not socially inept in any way and are extremely productive members of society. They all either work for great companies and are very well paid or are missionaries in foreign countries. Homeschooling taught them great work ethic and gave them a strong base for morals and values. Public school was bad enough when I was there, many teachers were liberal and taught liberal ideas as fact. While I didn't find myself in any serious trouble, I saw many kids, especially those whose parents had no involvement in their childrens lives or were permissive parents, live lives highly influenced by peer pressure. The main reason I think I didn't have that problem was because my parents were involved in my life, they taught me right and wrong at an early age, they did have clear rules with clear consequences and they knew who I was hanging around with. We have decided that for our family, I will stay home with the kids and my husband will work, the children will be homeschooled. As for the whole breastfeeding thing on demand for as long as the child wants it...that's just sick. I really think there are some serious issues with the mom and part of it comes back to boundaries and growing up. It's a part of life, we can't drink milk forever, we eventually need something more solid in our stomachs, not just literally, but here I think you can see how it applies.
These parents seem to have the children's best interest at heart but are very extreme in their thinking. I was lucky enough to be able to stay home with my daughter and I nursed her for six months exclusively. After that her interest seemed to fade. She was too curious to spend time looking in towards me while nursing. She would take a few sips and then want to look around. I pumped for a while and began supplementing with formula. I don't believe a six year old still has a need to nurse. I believe children need structure and routine. It makes them feel safe to know what is expected of them. I agree that they deserve respect however, the children portrayed in this video have an obvious lack of respect for their parents. Their parents may ignore their negative behavior but I assure you that later in life their behavior will have negative consequences. Unfortunately, life does not work in the manner that these parents have made them accustumed to. They will not get everything they want when they want it and they will not have someone at their beck and call every minute of the day. I wonder how these children will cope with the daily stresses of life when they are eventually out on their own? How will that even come about? Will they be homeschooled through college?
Is it really nessesary to breast feed a five year old? I plan to breast feed for the first while because it is much better for a baby to have breast milk rather than formula..... but a five year old, Come on!!
In my opinion children need help making decisions, that is what you the parents are there for. If your child is never told No, are you protecting them, making sure that they are safe, and helping them to make the right choices?
These kids were jumping on beds, climbing on tables and throwing items at their parents and getting away with it.... where is the disipline?
Attachment Parenting??? What the heck is that? Nothing but another label and measuring stick by which women judge other women and are forced to defend their abilities, choices and love for their children.
I am expecting my second child in about a minute. My first was breastfed for a year and slept in our bed for about that long. She's never been spanked and we attempt to explain things to her and see things from her perspective and reason with her at the level she is capable of understanding. I also work full time and was feeding her bottled breastmilk from the time she was 8 weeks old because she is in daycare. We tell her and show he we love her every day - she is happy and healthy.
I don't need a label or a book to tell me how to be compassionate and affectionate to a beloved family member. And I don't need the stamp of approval of a label - nor does any one else.
Ladies, we've all got to listen to our heads and our hearts and just do the best we can, given our individual resources.
I do not agree with *THIS* form of attatchment parenting, and while I agree this isn't the only form, I think the person who created this is trying to let people know that there ARE people that are this ridiculous! I have an aunt who is EXACTLY like this, and her children are AWFUL BRATS "capable of no wrong" (dispite being caught stealing $10 from my purse, they couldn't have done it...)
I think that you can AP, but you need to set boundaries and limits, and should let your child be a part of the decision making process, but NOT the SOLE decision maker!
I don't agree with attachment parenting when it comes to breastfeeding a child even after the age 2. Also, all the kids sleeping together-- what about SIDS??? The cribs are for safety!! Oh so these are the parents that are on welfare. Why would anyone agree with, if both mom and dad are working- basically were supporting these wackos
Unfortunately this is a biased presentation of a very extreme approach, much of which is not necessarily "attachment parenting". I breastfed on demand, co-slept with each of my two kids until the age of two, and weaned between 2 and 3, because that was what worked for us. It didn't require living life with my breasts hanging out all the time!
Coincidentally, we homeschool now, but that is about finding the best learning opportunities for my children, and making them happen, NOT about being the only one your children have contact with. We're pretty mainstream: we drive a mini-van, play Nintendo, watch t.v., shop at malls, so it's not only extremists who practise this approach.
It's not about "spending 24/7 with your kids", it's about finding nurturing, respectful ways of bonding with and raising children. PLEASE see www.askdrsears.com, and enter 'attachment parenting' in the search window, for a balanced discussion of real attachment parenting, and how every family can make it work for them.
And for the record, attachment parenting, when combined with balanced, respectful, authoritative discipline (not authoritarian) results in calmer, more confident, and independent babies and children. I know from my own experience, and studies have documented the differences (see the Dr. Sears materials on this).
Thank you---Melanie W-H, Canada
I have never ever in my life seen anything like this before. I was in awe when I watched the videos!! I truly believe in attachment parenting. Just looking back on my own childhood; I believe if I was given a little more attention I would have made better decisions; but even with that we all have our share of mistakes; whether it was done out of ignorance or not. However, I believe that it’s not about just giving a child want he/she wants but structuring their lives to be productive and successful. Even though my mom was not there as much, I was not lazy or "sorry". I learned to not lean so much on others and to get up and do things for myself. So in the end, it all worked out. I believe that I will practice attachment parenting to a great degree; however, they will be discipline. If I don't discipline them as children, someone will discipline them as adults. If someone wants to breastfeed their children until they are toddlers, hey go for. Just by doing research, it actually is healthier than formula and also children who are still on the tit usually do not get as sick as babies who are on formula. I personally will not do it that long; I will eventually wean my babies off. I don't think this is really about judging as some has stated in their posting. This is basically about all of our opinions and input on how WE as individuals will raise our own children. It’s not about being judgmental, it basically about how YOU would raise your child. We are all different, and were all raised within different traditions, therefore, I think its great that we can all come together and share our opinions :)
WOW...............I am so surprised. I have only heard and read about ap this year and I thought it sounded pretty good but I dont think what thoes parents are doing has anything to do with ap.I am reading a book about it and it is so interesting how different people take different things out of the same thing....what ap is and how to properly live it.if properly lived the only thing you might notice different about the families is that they put extra thought and care and time into their interactions with their kids and probably the people around them too.they would follow the basic needs that kids need like what the dr was sugesting about routine and boundaries and rules etc. one last comment about breastfeeding.i am big on breastfeeding but weather it is rite or wrong when they are older is going to depend on where you live...what culture you live in. i see the debate isnt about the milk itself but people being unconfortable with it especially in public places and how the child really feels about it and how they will feel about mom and themselves and if it is creating any wrong thoughts feelings etc in the child. so in the breastfeeding case i think that if you live in our culture it would be best for the child to not breastfeed at preschool or school age and if you breast feed i would put a scedual to it and make it clear it is for nutriants and part of the daily meal scedual not for comfort etc.because i dont think they need to be breast fed so long to be comforted etc. and possibly even pumping your milk for the child to drink out of a sippy cup or cup if they are older might be better.this is just a suggestion.i dont know if i am making sence or if i have explained my thoughts well and i am shure different people will take from this different things but i dont mean to offend anyone or to sound like i think what anyone does is wrong because i am definately a person who does not look at people and judge. good luck every one and please respect and love people even if they are different.
I got a whole different idea about ap than these parents on the clips did, and the person interviewing had a different view as well.I dont think ap means to sleep with your kids whenever they want or to do whatever they want when they want it or to never say no or not to have routines or to not go to public school or to breast feed when ever where ever or a lot of the things that i saw happening...that is something these parents are doing on their own account. to me ap is something totally different. right now there are families we consider normal who are causing damage to their kids that is worse than on the clips but for me personally I do not parent like thoes families..I plan on homeschooling but i also plan on being part of my community and this world as teaching my kids to rely on themselves and other athority figures for support etc.i also do not hit my kids or act bossy or yell,with the exception for imperfections and i tried to limit just saying no when my boy was very young but he is almost 5 now and i believe that for a while now he is able to hear no and have more strict responses and rules and i know he is doing so well because of it.he can handel it.there are a lot of things associated with ap like homeschooling that i didnt know about.how some people choose to parent are reflecting on the actual point and good stuff in ap and giving thoes good things a bad rep.so please look at ap or any other concept etc.for what it is and not how people are using it because they could be very different things.
I agree with the thought behind AP, being able to be there for your child and eliminating things like nooks, and bottles if able... but in the clips shown here I think they were more on the extreme end of things. Our plans include me not return to work in an office in order to be with our child but I have the education that will allow me to work from home. Also I hope to breast feed but there are no guarrenties that I will be able to, some people can't... but if I can I personally feel I will not continue the practice past 1yr.. In an ideal world where money wasn't an issue I think most of us wish we could be a stay at home parent to teach, guide and protect are children. No matter what we will all have different ideas on what we think is best as I'm sure if you went to 50 AP homes you would see many differences just as you see in the so called "normal" family dinamics of mainstream. So overall there are parts of Ap I agree with and there are parts that I would never use when raising my child.
Breast feeding if possible is the best for babies and that is what breasts were made for BABIES not children, when they start to talk walk and can feed themselves its time to but the breast away ladys. There is nothing more natural then seeing a baby feeding on the brest. Seeing a child on the other hand feeding on the breast does not look natural or right! one should use your natural instincts to control what you do, if it feels righ and looks right it probably is! dont let wacko minorities influence what you do.
There is nothing offensive about seeing a woman breastfeeding a baby whether it be in private or out in public. We so often forget that we are mammals and thats what we were meant to do. If you are offended by seeing a woman breastfeed in public maybe you need to have a look at some of your own personal issues and not judge her for doing what is 100% natural.
I am so sorry to see such irresponsible reporting. I think that what these videos fail to portray is balance. I nursed my children and carried them in a sling, and they are well behaved honor roll students (7 and 9). My little one (21 mo.) goes to a preschool 2 mornings a week and loves it. There isn't any RIGHT way to raise a child. It takes a lot of work and patience to determine what works best for you.
I work as a nanny for family that practices attachment parenting and I have to say that as the "third parent" and main disciplinarian I find their child to be extremely sensitive and intellegent but also very spoiled. When we are alone together he is happy and mindful and knows the rules and acts accordingly but as soon as he is near his mother he turns into a little terror because he knows that he is in charge and that she see's his temper tantrums and whining as just a natural and encouraged part of his emotional development. It is disturbing to watch this and I think it is a unique perspective because this child is basically being raised with 2 different parenting styles, his mother and father's and mine. I expect more from him in the good behavior department because I know he is capable and it is hard to watch him regress into bratty behavior when his mom is around. I have no doubt that his parents love him like crazy but I have to say that I don't agree with letting a child run the show. I also haven't seen many people mention what I consider to be a huge issue, which is the fact that having your child in your bed seriously effects the level of intimacy between husband and wife. I think having a strong, intimate bond with your partner is just as important as being a good parent and it seems to me that attachment parenting, especially in those cases where the husband is completely kicked out of the bed, leaves the husband on the outside. The mother and child are the primary relationship which leaves the husband out as the 3rd wheel. This is definately what I have observed in the family I work for and I find it disturbing.
These kids are going to grow up to be very screwed up people. I feel sorry for them.
I dont mean to be disrespectful to anyone who agrees with this method but you have to be some what bonkers to think its ok. With the world we live in now, we need our children to have respect and discapline, and I feel letting the child do all the decision making is the marking for a spoiled disrespect child/teenager/adult.
I found the videos to show a very skewed version of AP. I, as others have said, am an avid believer in Dr. Sears and what he teaches. Both of my daughters, now 13 and 8 have been raised with many AP ideals. They spent numerous hours in a sling, were both breastfed for extended lengths of time and slept with us. This worked for our family because my husband and I both agreed on it. When I went to my first LE LECHE meeting (for breastfeeding moms) I was disturbed by a nursing 4 year old. However, when I was in the same situation, I felt very differently. Breastfeeding for us was a bonding experience as well as a nutritional one. My daughter is very well adjusted, a definite leader, on honor-roll, in theater and sports and has loads of confidence! It has not made her a whiney brat who clings!!!! Each person has to do what is best for their own family. Some of the decisions we made were not popular with others in our own family, but that did not stop us. We did what we felt was best for us, and so far it has worked out great! We are expecting a little boy in November and plan on doing the same with him. I found it to be a very loving experience!
Though the videos did not seem to be shot from a perspective of being in favor of attachement parenting, did you notice how utterly judgemental of other kinds of parents the moms in the video were? I was offended by their comments referring to a baby bouncer as a tool of neglect! It's much safer to cook dinner with a baby safely in a bouncer nearby being talked to etc. than strapped to me as I work over a hot stove!
These parents were extreme to say the least. I'm sure there are many other forms of "attachment" based parenting that are a little less extreme, and personally, I'm in favor of "balanced parenting" -my own term - which respects the needs of the adults and the children in the home. If MY emotional needs (such as for some quiet time, or conversation with other adults) or the needs of my marriage aren't met, how can we truly be at our best for our kids? And isn't it a good balance for our kids to learn to interact with other kids, other trusted adults and to know that Mom and Dad care even more and have a more special place, but that they are still ok in other situations? Kids need boundaries to feel safe...they thrive in structure and routine. Allowing them to dictate life - both their own and mine as the adult seems inappropriate and irresponsible. It is my job as a parent to adequately prepare them for successful life in society...which is not perfect. I personally feel that balance in all things tends to make the most sense.
That is absolutely disgusting and borderline child molestation!!!! I have no problem with attachment parenting but what those parents were doing is sick and disgusting.
That is weird. We practice attachment parenting with our children. The oldest three are school agers and are doing extrememly well. They are independent, smart, caring and my son is the brightest in the class. My daughter is first chair violin. Trust me they are so independent it drives me a little nuts. If attachment parenting is done "right" with boundaries and consistant rewards and "punishments"; children can really flourish. I also think attachment parenting can be used as an excuse for parents to be lazy. Honestly, there are a few drawbacks to A.P. When our children are about three years old we noticed a nsistant "neediness". They tend to sleep with us every night, whine when we leave them with grandma, have a few temper-tantrums etc. ( so there is a lot less sex for the parents during that year) We have found that this subsides at about 4 years old. Our youngest son is now 4 he wants to do everything himself. He wants to sleep in his own room, walk himself into preschool. Its weird because it happens with each of them. They get tired of being babied I think. With our first daughter I went all out with attachment parenting, I wore my daughter all the time in her sling, breastfed on demand--I was exhausted! I think I have learned balance over the years. I am pregnant ( one last time) and I think I may actually have it down this time! My best advise is that even if you practice attachment parenting things like hitting, attacking the dog with a spoon cannot be tolerated, you will need to develope an absolutely consistant form of "punishment". We used the old playpen as a time out till our kids were three years old. I hope this helps separate the real attachment parents from the loons
My husband and I don't practice AP, but I agree that the videos were extreme examples of radical AP families. With that said, I wanted to comment on co-sleeping. I know an 11-year old girl who is unable physically, emotionally, and psychologically to sleep by herself. She has been sleeping with her parents since birth and only in the last year did she transition into her own bed with her mom sleeping with her. She came to spend some time with our family this summer and had to leave early because of her complete and total dependence on her mom. We attempted to make her sleep in a bed by herself and the reaction was astounding. First, at 11 she's as big as I am, so we were physically not able to make her stay in her own bed. She came into our room and simply refused to leave. When we tried to get her to lie in her bed, even with us sitting with her, she began to physically shake because of the thought of being left alone. Even during the day, she followed me around the house--even into the bathroom. She couldn't go to the mailbox at the end of our very short driveway by herself or sit in the car with our toddler while I ran in to pick up pizza we had ordered. I know that this too is an extreme example of a child who co-sleeps, but I am seriously worried about the level of attachment this girl has to her mother. Her parents have never tried to make her sleep on her own. They have been waiting for her to want to move to her own bed for 11 years. Will she ever be able to go to a sleepover, camp, or even college? We used to joke that she'd be in bed with her parents until she's 18 but we're not joking anymore.
So, is attachment parenting another word for stay at home mom? I am a stay at home mom and my children don't act like that at all. My oldest (7) was able to obey by the time she could walk. I do breast feed but the longest I have with any child is one year. I don't breastfeed all day long and I can usually predict about when they are going to want to eat the same as when I can kind of guess when my older kids are going to want lunch.
No i don't try to predict when my children are going to poop. If I see them grunting I go and put them on the potty( that's just part of potty training) but if I'm busy or don't notice and they poo in their diaper and I change it. I'd like to see how that lady with one baby does with her no diaper rule if she had 5 kids like I do. Wait, actually I don't think I really want to see it. yuck!!
I stay home with my children because I want to raise them. Which I believe includes teaching them responsiblity, obedience, respect and rules. I also love being with my children. The thought of being gone all day makes me a little sad. I would miss them.
So I guess I don't understand where I would fit into the reporters stereotype. I did quit my job to be a stay at mom. I was a professional making good money and I know I made the right choice. (Luckily my husband makes enough to support us.) But I don't think I fit into the exagerated catagory of attachment parent.
Was the reporters goal to scare professional women into thinking that these are her only choices? Does she really think that if one chooses to stay home one is choosing to have kids that poop on the floor and have your boob out all day long? If that is the question I don't think that is difficult to answer. I think most are going to say no thank you. But that doesn't mean you have to keep working and never have a family. How sad would that be?!!
How many people claim to be an attach parent based on the definition in these movies? I know hundreds of stay at home mom's and I don't know any that are like these.
I agree that there are many parents out there that work too much and spend very little time with their children which does explain the myriad of problems we have with the children today. I don't believe cutting yourself off from society is going to remedy that. Nor is breastfeeding a child that should have moved on to regular food years ago. I can't imagine feeding my child for 5 years, or even 2 years. This is quite the extreme opposite of our overly busy society who has no time for their children. There should be a wife at home with the kids at least half the week if not the whole time to teach and protect and nurture the kids but this is rediculous.
This is an extreme version of attachment parenting. In fact, I would not even dare compare it to the attachment parenting that is encouraged by most medical professionals such as Dr. Sears. I consider myself to practice attachment style parenting. But, really, this is not synonymous with undisciplined children and all sacrificing parents. This is just an attempt by journalist to shock and fetch higher ratings.
Having done my own research on Attachment Parenting I think there are some really positive aspects of this approach. My first baby is due in November so I haven't had the chance to put any of it into practice but I have had years of experience with other people's children and certainly believe that aspects of A.P. would have greatly assisted some children to become well adjusted humans.
I have practiced attachment parenting for the last two years since my daughter was born and I'll continue with the rest of my kids. Baby #2 is due Feb. 08. I exclusively breastfeed (no pacifiers, no bottles, no supplements). We co-sleep with our child. Before I became pregnant, I never used a stroller because I wore my daughter on my back in an Ergo baby carrier. We practice gentle discipline. We plan on homeschooling. She doesn't watch any television. I never left her with anyone until she was 8 months old, and that was with her daddy. Even now, we rarely leave her with babysitters...she's welcome pretty much every where we go.
My 2 year old is so calm, sweet, loving, and smart. She can play for hours taking care of her "babies", coloring, or doing puzzles. She helps me cook and clean (we use all natural cleaning products).
Everyone comments on my daughter's good nature. I attribute a lot of it to our parenting style. I wouldn't change a thing!
I'm sure a lot of you are wondering about my relationship with my husband. No, co-sleeping hasn't changed our sex life a bit. There are other beds and rooms in our house! PLus, we are practicing Catholics with a strong belief in NFP and the importance of family. I think it's all about priorities.
I'm a first time mom of a 1 yr old and another on the way. I totally agree with the Dr. But After reading the other comments, I had to consider that maybe the report was biased in showing such extremes. I feel like I'm in love with my daughter. I decided to stay at home with her and my husband works. I agree with taking some cues from your children in knowing when they are ready for certain boundaries. I also believe in diapers, "no," strollers, and so on. It's about doing what you can, but being practical too. Sometimes you need to put baby in the swing so you can make dinner. I wondered if I was a little more attached to my daughter than some mom's I know, but after watching the videos and reading the comments, I think we're pretty healthy. She used to sleep with us when she woke up a lot at night, but at one year, she drinks from a cup, sleeps alone, and knows no. Sometimes when we're taking a walk, she doesn't want to hold my hand and that tells me she's learning what independence is.
I was a little disgusted watching these videos. First of all those two children walking and talking and pulling out moms breast is almost ridiculous. I am pregnant with my second child. I am very "attached" to both my 7 year old and my unborn. But this practice is beyond attachment. I feel like the doctor was right- this will not pay off in their futures. I am a teacher of 1st grade students and you can almost immediately tell who gets discipline at home and who walks all over the parents. It may sound bad but these will be the type of children who grow up to commit terrible crimes when not given their way or when mom and dad are no longer available for "attachment". I also wonder how do these kids learn to form opposite sex relationships if dad sleeps in a separate bed and has to fight the kids to touch his wife??
I nursed my older son and plan to do the same for this one, but certainly not after age 1. I don't use nuks or pacifiers. They work for some just not in my house. My son sucks his thumb to get to sleep at night- something I did as a child also. When you can hold a cup and ask for what you want- it's time to make some adjustments. I love my kis very much and would do anything for them. I plan on staying home for atleast 6 months but I still need adult interaction too stay sain. I have no problem with public school-I teach there , however my son has attended private school since 4 years old. But eventually he will transition into public. I think he has adjusted quite well socially and I wouldn't change a thing about my parenting style.
I think you can go too far either way. Allowing a child complete control of their own life... without direction from Mom and Dad.. not a good idea. However controlling everything they think and do... also not so good. I have 2 kids age 12 and 11. Now I am pregnant with my 3rd child. I know I will change things that I did the first time around. I will quit my job and stay home until she can start pre school, I will be more involved with her school life and I will be as good a mother as I can be. Unfortunately I was unable to do these things for my first two babies. However they have grown to be very indepentant, intelligant children. My 12 year old daughter loves music, plays the clarinet, wants to be a doctor and has straight A's in school. My 11 year old son loves baseball, wants to design buildings and has more opinions than I realized one child could. I love them and they know I love them. Regardless of the fact that they wore diapers, went to daycare, attend public schools and hear the word NO on a very regular basis.
How bizarre. I have 3 children and one on the way. I stay home with them, but we're heathens who use diapers, pacis, and bottles/sippy cups. Those people on the video would hate me. Freaks.
WOW! What negetive anti-AP videos these are! PW should be ashamed for posting them. I am an AP mom. I am 29 yrs. old, SAHM, with a 3 yr old who has slept with us since age 18 months, a 2 yr old that has slept with us since birth & baby # 3 due in Feb. '08. My husband sleeps in our bed & not elsewhere. Baby # 3 was not conceived in our bed with our 2 children co-sleeping as they are too old to wake up & see what is happening. There are plenty other places than the primary bed to have intercourse. Children co-sleeping are not to blame for lack of sex, parents are. Yes, you must sacrifice sex at times for the sake of your child, especially during infancy, but that time should bring you closer together as a couple & family. As far as intimacy goes, intamacy is not the same as sex although there is a great deal of intamacy in sex of course. Since we have been co-sleeping, our entire family has grown in intamacy with each other. Again, intamacy is not the same as sex. I am nursing our first two as they have a comfort/emotional need to do so. However, because I am pregnant & sore, they are very limited in their nursing allowance but we plan to resume our previous nursing relationship when the baby arrives & my milk comes back in. Yes, both my children eat other food as well. We cloth diaper & was baby wearing until I could not do so b/c of pregnancy & we occassionally use a stroller or cart when on long shopping trips, but they go between sitting & walking. We do set limits/boundaries & have said no. We respect our children as the person they each are & not just a child we are "owed" & must control. We plan to homeschool. Elizabeth-we are Catholic as well & have practiced NFP, which helped us conceive when we were told we probably wouldn't have any children. It's so awesome! Currently we are using ecological breast feeding to naturally space our children. It took 15 months for my fertility to return with 2nd child, then used NFP to conceive again. Isn't "LIFE" wonderful & a blessing?! God bless you!
Did you notice that video said AP parents don't use pacifers but at the end of the one video the breastfed 5 year old had a pacifer in her mouth? Lousy reporting & very bias. I know APers who use pacifers but that doesn't make them less AP. We never used & never will use pacifiers because we have very stong reasons behind not wanting to but I also know the difficulties & sacrifices that can come with allowing your child to comfort nurse at the beast as I have been through it & understand why a mom may choose to use a pacifier instead. But again, that doesn't mean they are less AP if they are truly practicing the AP methods & philosophy.
Got to love that spin!
First of all we co-sleep and my husband sleeps with us. Second of all Breastfeeding is the best thing a mother can do for her small child. Third there is nothing at all wrong with home schooling, Gentle Disciplining or Elimination communication. None of these things harm a child.
Are you afraid of losing "control" on what you "own", That much that hitting, hot sauce, soap in the mouth, pushing your infant into a crib after he has been in your womb for 9 months, never touching him, and treating him like property better?
Some of these families were the extreme (ie: nursing till age 5) most AP kids wean near or around 2 and 3, they are in control of their emotional well being and have wonderful relationship with their parents. Parents who play with their kids, instead of sticking them in front of a TV, parents who read to their kids instead of hiring someone to do it, parents who care enough to research everything they do from Vaccinating, Co-sleeping, Formula Vs Breast, types of discipline, home schooling vs mainstream education, To or not to Circumcise, what is in the food their families eat and other things. They take the time to do their homework and choose what is best for their families, unlike most people.
This so called expert is full of hogwash and I would love to see where he gets his so called facts from. If I ever met him I would squirt breastmilk in his eye, bahaha.
I stay at home, I breastfed exclusively for 6 months, but it was another 6 mos before my son was eating one good meal/day. We slept with him, still do occasionally at 4 years old. He's disciplined, potty trained, and learning responsibility. He fully weaned at 3. I'm glad he nursed a long time, as we later found he has Celiac disease, a gluten intolerance, as well as an intolerance to soy and dairy, so, even if he'd weaned at 1 year, he would have been a sick little boy for several years, had he not been breastfeeding. As it was, he threw up frequently.
These examples of attachment parenting are extreme, and embarrassing. Not at all a good representation of attachment parenting as a whole.
I'm now preggo, and yes, I plan to breastfeed exclusively, to continue to stay home, to sleep with our little one, to teach thru these actions, and others that I, and others in life, are trustworthy. I also plan to discipline, and to homeschool.
As far as sex with hubby - never was it impacted by having a child in the room... there are more rooms than the bedroom in our home. Our sex life is free and very healthy.
im an AP mommy from kuwait and although people always say that i take parenting to the extreme i think it pays off really well.. it keeps me happy it keeps my child happy .. and i couldnt be happier with my 3 years old who is extremly happy and healthy and independant and strong hes a great leader and he even tries to be a little instructor in our yoga class correcting people's poses lol at night we actually sleep (my friends always complain about bed time we never had a problem ever!) and communicatin is great actually everybody in my country envy me on having the greatest child ever! he is also soo senstive and loving and caring! im pregnant so i sleep alot and he actually puts me to sleep with a story or a song and he is always trying to feed me so the baby will grow! i carried him with a sling for the longest time when everybody thought i looked silly since i was the only person in the whole country who has one of those things but now seeing how independant and happy he is some of my friends and my sister who thought i was a big joke all this time she is actually a big AP fan now and she has the greatest 1 year old daughter herself! we like AP because it makes our life happy and easy..
i never even thought of weaning my child i thought he knows better ! and i seriously thought that i will be breastfeeding untill hes 6 but when i got pregnant when he was almost 3 he was not interested to breastfeed anymore AT ALL .. i guess the change that pregnancy does to the breasts made it a little diffrent and wierd for him .. he also told me that he heard me tell his dad that my breasts are tender and kinda sore because of the pregnancy and he told me he doesnt want to hurt the baby!! how senstive how sweet! AP is soo greattt i raised a wonderful son he is my gift to the world!
I want to answer few of the concerns I read while scanning the comments :
My AP child copes wonderfully with the world, he is super friendly and he has super manners he likes to say hi to people he loves the outdoors enjoys company and has such a strong personality he is a little leader.
Why be tough on the little child instead of being the one person he can trust.. children are smarter than we give them credit for .. the world is tough and he faces problems but at least he knows he will be coming home to a safe loving arms.. it makes me happy as an adult that I have a loving husband I can run to from the scary world so u can imagine how would a little child feels?
AP gives the child the chance to be more human than others hes in touch with his instincts and inner feelings and I doubt that a healthy teenager wants to sleep with his mommy and daddy in fact my 3 years old demands his space in our kind size bed and demands that I don’t use his pillow, this was not the case when he was less than a year old where he needed me as close as possible.. when he was 2 he found comfort in having me around even when he is visiting friends but now that he is 3 he demands that I drop him and come later!
I know a lot of mothers who says they r offended when seeing a mommy breastfeeds, usually these women also say that they wish they can afford to stay at home.. so I guess its not offended as much as jealous ;) whats offensive about a beautiful child getting the love and food he needs?? Its actually beautiful!
Our sex life is great we have other rooms at the house ,., our bedroom is the safe sleeping place for the children but when ever we want to be alone we lock the doors of any other room in the house with a bed or a sofa and be together day or night!
Its alife style and it is a choice.. many people are to lazy to educate themselves on “bettering” their life and choices so they like to judge AP and point out what makes it disgusting to them… usually it’s the breastfeeding and co sleeping which tells me how de-attached there are from their nature and humane side .. they r usually angry depressed over stressed mothers … AP mommies are happy natural loving mommies and this pays off really well…
Nappies, we never used disposable nappies and my baby was potty trained by the age of 6 months .. its cleaner this way… our reasons are environmental and also hygienic
We haven’t give up on modern life to practice attachment parenting we do not live in a farm we do go out my 3 years old does go to a yoga class and a playgroup and a story telling group and we r planning to put him in a good school when he is 5-6…
Pacifiers are ugly we never used so many things that r available in the market and we believe that is the reason why our child is so special .. he never throw a tantrum really he acts like a small grown up he is a healthy eater and he loves life ..
So for my child not to have a social problem I should put him in a crib and punish him and give him rules to follow? I see these children are they cant wait for u to leave the room so they can break the rules.. my son has rules but he makes them because he is smart enough to know right from wrong and he is able to make his decisions without spanking or even yelling..
I do not appreciate the approach taken by these videos and by this page. Having people watch negatively slanted videos before they comment on the topic seems like a childish tactic to me. Of course most people cannot raise their children like that. But strictly speaking, that's not all there is to attachment parenting. It's not about giving up pacifiers, swings and strollers, breastfeeding until kindergarten, or even co-sleeping. It's the idea and approach you take to parenting. Allowing the baby to feed on demand, whether by breast or bottle, in a secure and loving environment is attachment parenting. Being there for your child's needs all night long, whether they're in your bed or in a crib close-by, to feed, comfort and keep comfortable is attachment parenting. Using diapers is not against the "rules"... there are no rules. It's true that many/most people who agree with attachment parenting subscribe firmly to breastfeeding, baby wearing, co sleeping, and the like, if you focus on those things alone you lose what is trying to be accomplished by the parenting style. I personally found myself raising my child by AP guidelines just by instinct and I love it. I did both breast and formula feeding, I carry my baby but also own a stroller, I use cloth diapers, I have never co-slept, etc. What makes me AP is the way I feed my child and listen to her cues, my choice to stay at home instead of sending her to daycare, I try to make her feel loved and secure by giving her as much affection as I can, I don't let babies CIO, etc. It's not about breastfeeding. It's about the home environment you create with your child. Check out http://www.attachmentparenting.org/support.shtml for more info on the principles of AP. Thanks for reading. :)
I think its disgusting..pooping in the bushes, on the floor and breastfeeding a five year old!?
I highly doubt any of these children will ever sustain a marriage or any adult relationship when they have grown. Children need structure, discipline and independence. We don't live in lollipop land. This world is tough and these parents are not preparing their children for it. I agree with the doc.
We practice attachment parenting with our daughters and plan to continue with this baby... this video shows very EXTREAM AP parents, I believe in child led weaning also but to a point, in gentle disiplin but still being consistant, I am millitent about babywearing (we dont even own a stroller) I don not believe in letting babies CIO, I do not believe in circumsision, I cloth diaper my babies but we do not practice Elimination comunication.
we delay certain vaxes for non deadly deseases.
ect.... APing is really just about following your instincts as a mom.
this video grossly misrepresents us!
Oh and we decided not to homeschool our kids they attend public schools with a waiver for any vaxes we have delayed (chicken pox atm)
oh and one more thing I do believe in homebirthing, I am planning a homebirth with this pregnancy, but I do have ultrasounds (I had one for bleeding yesterday) and tests, I just make the calls lol.
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